


A fraud

by AkaiBaraPark



Series: Torn pages [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Other, Pain, Prose Poem, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 21:17:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21362812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaiBaraPark/pseuds/AkaiBaraPark
Summary: He felt like a fraud and maybe he was. Yet another letter that would go to waste on a server.
Series: Torn pages [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796137
Kudos: 8





	A fraud

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again.  
I'm productive lately.  
Please enjoy.

He always thought about it.  
An everlasting and passing thinking.  
That life would be better if he wasn't a crier.  
From the start, he wanted to leave.  
Or at least it felt like it.  
Wearing a smile when needed.  
To hide the ugliness of his numbness.  
He knew it would be painful.  
But he never understood how much. 

The throbbing pain in his chest would never cease.  
The dullness in his mind kept on raging.  
Never enough.  
He wasn't enough, but, never did he act upon it.  
He just decided to go with the flow.  
And wait.  
More and more.  
Waiting to feel something.  
To love someone. 

It never came.  
He thought about dying. Everyday and everynight.  
He thought about writing his last words. Maybe he did in a wicked and Hidden way, on a website's server, in another language.  
Just so no one could tell how he really felt still Hidden behind his smile. 

"Pretty. You look pretty".  
Look deeper and you'll know that he feels like a monster.  
Pretty. Was it the only adjective that fitted him ?  
Probably. Even him was doubting it.  
"How can a monster be pretty ?"  
He heard a voice tell him.  
He decided that all that was said around him were lies. He himself felt like a fraud most times. 

He didn't know why.  
Why did he feel like this. Ever since he was young he always felt like all the versions he gave people were far from being him.  
Who was he ?  
He didn't know. He lost himself long ago.  
And kept on slipping deeper into the dark. 

Compliments were frauds.  
His feelings were too.  
The pain he felt almost felt good.  
At least he felt something.  
Numbness was too loud and silent at the same time.  
He didn't know how to react to any of this.  
So he kept on smiling.  
Piling up lies like piling up snowflakes to make a snowman. 

It's crazy right ? How much he seemed like one.  
White and basic.  
Cold and stuck.  
Trying to look alive when deep down he felt like he wasn't.  
He kept on smiling.  
The snow never melted in his heart even if the seasons changed.  
He kept on smiling.  
He would love to be a snowman. After all, the snow melts when spring comes around. 

Why wasn't his heart warming up ?  
Why wasn't he melting down ?


End file.
